yesterday i was on a treadmill in the gym when i noticed someone in a van, ducking and waving at me. it was this guy who used to be the custodian at a job i had 4 years ago. he was replaced by El, who i liked much better and actually talked to. the old custodian recognizes me no matter what, even though i look pretty different than i did back then. and i am someone who hates the strain of continuing a non-relationship past its logical expiration. sigh. i also hate the idea of spectators when i work out.

i came home, picked up the mail, and started opening windows. i saw a robin dangling upside-down in our tree, with one foot caught up in some ribbon. i thought, "great. a dead bird in our tree. does someone hate us?" it moved strangely, and i thought it might be alive. i went outside.my neighbor debbie told me she was some dudes staring over at my house and she asked what they were doing, and they told her about the bird. it had been in the tree all day. we both mentioned asking our husbands to help when they came home. (good lord.) E got home and looked at the bird, then cut it down with some sort of long tree clipper on a pole. the bird still had a length of ribbon tied to his foot, and it was surreal and beautiful as he flew away with the ribbon trailing behind him. he landed a few yards away...right next to a dead cat that was sandwiched in between park cars.

what is going to happen next?

testing

oh, man, today there has been so much back and forth about whether or not we have to take next thursday off. it really boils down to whether or not we are actually part of the campus. i'm taking friday off anyhow, so i don't care too much, but i would always prefer to choose the days i take off.

i've decided to make my mom a little gin-and-tonic basket for mothers' day. i talked it over with my sister M, who agreed that while it might seem a little trashy, it's better than getting her a generic gift. she's caring for my dad right now while he undergoes chemo, and i don't think another bar of lavender soap is going to be a big hit.

i went back to the career counseling center on tuesday. maybe most people feel this way (how would i know?) but i love to get back results to those tests. it's comforting to compare myself to the rest of humanity and find that i am, indeed, a strange person. i have to admit that the results this time made me a bit nervous. the tests imply that i would be happy as a lawyer or an actress. too bad both those careers seem as though they take your life away and leave you with nothing, well, not the things i think i want. (see why i need help deciding this?) i've got some ideas about how to work it all out. at least i got confirmation that i should not be an economist.

anyway, getting these results led to having a dream that i was on a scientology cruise, and that i took one of their personality tests. the results were awful, and i was devastated that i'd let them trick me.

three

today i sold a shirt to someone with a manhattan address. i'm a bit proud that someone would "import" my stuff. i'd reduced the inventory because i am mailing some shirts to a store in ohio. i wonder if the new scarcity of the shirts encouraged that customer to make a move?